After Pressing the Reset button, it is taking a long while to let things go. I still beat myself up for not getting things right or perfect. I have to keep reminding myself to “Let It Go”.
Just recently, I realize part of my “not letting go” challenge is because I have been trained to not let go. To “let things go” & “not let things go” is both a good & bad thing.
As I was starting off in school, it was tough & difficult. When I was doing homework or assignment, I didn’t score well and understand it well. I was told to do it over & over & over again until I get it right; otherwise, there was physical punishment. I still remember the long traumatic long hours of being forced to memorize my multiplication tables or Chinese poems.
Now looking back, having the “not letting things go” attitude, has served me well in university to get A+, especially in Calculus, Linear Algebra, and higher order of mathematic. In my math classes, several times I was totally confused and want to give up, but I didn’t. Thank goodness for me to have the “not letting things go” attitude! We call this attitude persistence. This is one of my current winning formula to succeed in life!
Now at this point in the course, where I understand most people quit, my winning formula appears to me that it is not working. In my past winning formula experiences, when I persist, I can see small micro smidge progress (ie. 3 steps forward, and 2 steps backwards). However, this time, I feel like a fraud on my readings causing me to have the experience of not want to continue. Nevertheless, this may be by old blueprint which I need to quiet down.
So for the past 2 or 3 weeks, I have been focusing on relaxing (ie. Law of Relaxation) & forgiving myself. How does that look like?
- Doing my sits & meditation, when I feel tense or unsure.
- Not making myself wrong for not scheduling, not completing, and not systemizing things.
- Have faith in the divine & myself that everything will work out.
There are a couple more things that I would like to share in this blog post. However, if I spent more time writing, I will be spending another 1 to 2 hours, which I can’t afford. Sorry.
So, I’m requesting the divine & your prayers. Please pray for strength, calmest of mind, and faith that I will complete this program.
If you have read this entire blog posting, I would like to personally Thank You for your contribution to my life. You are awesome! Keep on smiling!!